Picking up the Rhythm, once again.

   School is, back on for another year.
School is, going better for Jaala, than it ever has before.  SO thankful for that.  My darling girl who would do so much better in a different learning atmosphere.   Alas, working mom's can't homeschool, and there is no way we can live without me bringing in an income.  So we badger the school and the teachers to accommodate her wonderful brain.

I'm actually not back to work yet.  I'm only 4 weeks post cancer treatment, I have to stop berating  myself for being such a wimpy weakling, and accept that I've come this far in JUST 4 weeks. It's ok to nap, every day, for 4 hours and still go to bed at 9pm.

 I sort of lit into Leishabeth today over her higher expectations of me, than I could manage to fulfill.  Truly she was being critical and needed to be sat back on her heels, but I fear I was more harsh than needed.  As I haven't yet accepted, for myself, that I am incapable of scrubbing my floor and running errands *chauffeured by my sweet Faron* in the same day (or week). I do what I can and to the best of my ability.  Be soft on myself while I heal....I think the mental battle comes in the not knowing...again!  I thought about linking back to the posts I've made about how hard the "not knowing" is....here I am again.  Oh for a crystal ball.

We continue to wait for the results of the scans I had about 2 weeks ago.  Did I explain those?  OY!  3 separate scans, all requiring me to be velcroed into a sack, like a burrito, while big, block shaped cameras spun around my face, rotated down my torso ever so slowly, and I had to remain perfectly still, only moving enough to breathe and swallow.  I am not claustrophobic.  At all.  This block of camera barely cleared the skin on the tip of my nose. and it was loud, oh man. 
The next one involved me continuing to be wrapped like a chrysalis as the table I lay upon jerked back and forth in a long tube with spinning cameras.
 The nausea didn't turn into vomiting, whilst in the machine, but it took all my yoga experience to keep it that way!  I just considered it an hour and a half of shavasana.  Some guy with a flower bed outside the Cross Cancer Institute, got his flowers watered with my puke.  I think it improved the place.

 Um, the scans, yah, they were meant to see how much I-131 isotope my body took up in the last treatment, how many cancer cells still exist and a 3d visual of my thyroid area including lymph nodes etc.
The results of the scans are to indicate how many more *if any, hope, hope hope!* treatments I will need. 

All that to say, while I had hoped to be well enough to return to my job to begin the 2011/2012 school year, I am not.  Nor am I able to predict when I'm able to return.
Anyway, I won't be able to return to my previous job, it was hired out to a teacher transferred in from another school, for this school year.  I don't know how likely it is that I will get that job back.
What other job do I want?  Not that I have to have the job I want, any job is to be thankful for, and the district guarantees me A job.  Should that been good enough?  I dunno, but I do know that teaching my rottens inspires me and challenges me and I love being part of the team of professionals working to reach at risk youth.  I'm too rough and tumble and rowdy and loud mouthed and uncouth to work in a grade 1 classroom.  i'm scared.