No one pays attention to me until I fart!

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once.

Good one eh? I'm trying to make it a mantra of sorts. I easily become wrapped in the need to have all my "fixes" done at once, so I am free to just be. Be good at my job instead of learning to be good at it. Be an awesome parent instead of constantly trying this and that hoping it works!
That whole, being "in process" business totally fucks me up, so I'm trying to be more in the moment.

The girls were at my mom's place for several days this week.
They had no school and I had to work, so Grammy came to the rescue (as always, we adore her).

It was such a short turn around though, they got back yesterday at noon, just in time for Lei to go to a friend birthday party, and then their father picked them up at 5pm for the weekend.
*sigh*
The many contortions of a working mom.
































I had a student last year, who was so so hard to reach, so hard to connect with. She was used to being the one to pick up the pieces for all the grown ups in her life, that she resisted relationships with all grown ups. At twelve, she was in charge of raising her 5 smaller siblings as well as protecting them from the drunken shenanigans of their mother. At twelve, she called a social worker and insisted that her siblings be taken from their mother, into protective custody, because of the mother's horrifying, drunken behavior.
So she came to us. Eventually, she broke the ice and responded to us. She is an old soul. I can't really describe how she grew on me.
Her time with us was almost through when her caseworker decided that she should go back to the mother and under supervision of child advocates and social workers, the family would be brought back together.
Always a nice goal.
I protested loudly. LOUDLY.
The mother had been sober for a week, the mother had not shown any commitment to recovery of her children or from her drinking.
I raged to my co workers that this was a recipe for disaster, supervision by social workers is sadly lacking due to the case loads they carry.
6 months after the student was discharged to her mother....we got word that she is coming back to us.

Understand that I love this girl and love having her, but it is heartbreaking for her to be back at our institution.
When we discharge our kids we say "we love you, we're proud of you, don't ever come back".
We are for stabilization, assessment and placement. When students return, it means the process has broken down in some way.
Usually to the detriment of our students.
Usually because of a lack of resources and as a result, an improper placement.

Now, this girl not only needed to be rescued from the daunting responsibility of caring for many younger siblings, and avoiding an alcoholic mother....she needed to be rescued from her new life practices of random sexual encounters and drug use.

If SOMEONE had just listened earlier that returning her to her mother was about as smart as entering a one legged man in an ass kicking contest....likely this girl would not have sunk farther into the muck.

Sometimes I hate the system so so much.


In other news, I was having a routine medical for my class 4 drivers license and the doctor found an enlargement on my thyroid.
I've been having tests to see what it is and why it is.
Apparently it comes with tons of headaches, crazy fatigue, stuck poop and shaking. I am not amused!
And someone stole my Visa, meaning I am unable to complete the Class 4 process until the new one is reissued, we just don't have the money to pay out $250 for a license...unless we forgoe groceries for 10 days!
Have you seen this? http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml
Yeah, not that I will ever make it to a 5k but my fat ass does need to get off the couch and this seems like the path of least resistance!


Leisha and Jaala in their halloween costumes, so cute!







Jaala WILL be wearing a body suit and tights on actual halloween!