I have a fast growing, 4 cm tumor which nearly covers the entire left lobe of my thyroid gland.
I'm waiting to hear from my doctor, when I go in for a needle biopsy to determine if the tumor is cancerous, or not.
It has a lot of earmarks of cancer. The rate it has grown since it was located in October. The solid nature of the mass. The increasing hoarsness of my voice, the sore throat, and the feeling of pressure against my esophagus. I'm also so very tired. I barely make it to 9 pm bed time these days. I have to get a handle on the grumpiness I'm in. I feel so on edge, I'm terrified that it's cancer. Logically, I know that these thyroid tumors are easily killed and there is a 90% cure rate between surgery and other treatment *usually radioactive iodine*....but I have two little girls who will be irreperably damaged if they spend all their time with their bio father. *In case you're new, he's a douche bag from hell*
I'm not giving in to fear, but I am fearful. Waiting is difficult. It's been a full week since my diagnostic appointment, and I still don't have a date for a biopsy yet. NOT knowing is difficult.
Life can be so difficult. I am sorry that yours is right now. Hang in there my dear friend. You have every right to be as grumpy as you want to be! Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to call the Drs office sobbing hysterically... maybe you'll get your appt a little quicker :) Keep me posted.
ReplyDeleteOh no, the waiting must be awful.
ReplyDeleteAWFUL.
Sending good thoughts your way.
I hear you. I have a lump in my thigh. The ultra sound showed something there and the only info I got was "come see us in 3 months". Part of me is afraid to go see the doctor and look at the actual report. The other part of me says "F** you lump. Get out, you are NOT welcome. You won't last a round so don't even F****** try".
ReplyDeleteOf course, it could be a calcium deposit or something dumb like that. Either way, it better piss off.
Hang in there. I'm going to face my fear and call for an appt.
Of course, is anger the right energy for me? Would a calm, meditative state of mind be more benefical? When the Dalai Lama was in Calgary, he told the story of his gall bladder being removed and how he recovered quickly because of his state. I would do anything to be like that....except maybe meditate for 6 hours a day, wear orange, and give up all my possessions. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks guys. Appreciate it...you.
ReplyDeleteAaron, you must ask if the lump is fluid filled or solid. If they will do a needle biopsy or not *if not, why not* and my advice is, if they have given you 3 months to see what it will do, just breathe and relax.