Anxiety!

A Dr. Graham Clarke phoned me today, to book an appointment for me to come to his office all day for :psychological testing, personality testing, parenting pattern testing, cognitive function testing, indepth interviews regarding the history of conflict between Kyle and I, my personal history, and my description of my parenting. That will be a 7 hour day. Following that, he will arrange to come to my home to observe me with the children, after that, the girls and I will both travel to Edmonton to be interviewed and observed interacting.

The same process will be repeated with Kyle and the girls. At the end of which, a report will be written with recomendations as to what living situation is in the girls best interests. *sigh* The first appointment is on my birthday, everything else will be schedualed following that appointment.

I was totally straight with him on the phone, I told him that I have resentment toward the whole process because of how Kyle was able to assert these unfounded and unproven things about me and then pay for this assesment, and I was dragged in, despite my objections. I literally had no c hoice about this. Kyle asked for it, paid the deposit and was granted it, my lawyer told me that if I refused, custody will be given over to Kyle and I would no longer have a say.

He says he wants to get a good picture of who I am and how I operate, in my humble opinion, 7 hours doesn't even come close to representing the scope of me. I'm shy....not literally, but I don't share my inside parts (my soulish parts teehee) with people easily, even if I could talk a monks ear off!

Anyway, he told me that it was good to be open about that....I'm not scared that anything will be found wrong with me or my home or parenting, but I'm scared that this doctor won't see Kyle for what he is, that he won't see what Kyle does! I consider myself to be a relatively intelligent person, and Kyle had me fooled for nearly two years before I saw his actions in an accurate light...and even after I left him, I had NO IDEA he was capable of these things.

His stories change and escalate each time he is unsucessful in getting sole custody. The first affadavit said I was abusing prescription drugs, that I had a mental illness I don't have, that I abuse Jaala and neglect the girls, that I am delusional and unstable. The other assertions had to do with my struggle with post partum depression, the vulnerable things I shared with him about what was going on inside me, he twisted, lied about and made to be something they weren't.

The second affadavit he claimed he caught me masturbating in front of the comuputer while having internet sex with someone. It was a bald face lie. He knows it was a lie, he knows I know it was a lie and yet he sits there with his smug and smarmy face as he lies.

Well I hope at least that this Dr. doesn't fall for Kyle's "i'm a christinan with strong christian values and I can provide a better home for the girls and I can't work with Teri to parent them because she's too difficult" line.

I'm only difficult when I'm awake, so what's he talking about ?????!!!!